Monday morning, upper west side Manhattan.  The big snow storm didn't quite make it into the city but it's plenty cold just the same. I've been enjoying the crisp, icy weather and somehow surviving without gloves. It's always sweet coming back here, staying exactly in the place I lived over 13 years ago with my soul-sister Maura and whomever else was living there at the time.  I remember the place always being filled with family members and friends, at least 4-6 people living there most of the time. Instead of drunk, disco-ball parties and dancing to Madonna, now there's Maura and Perry's new little family: 5-year old daughter Sasa and 3-year old son Jet. When I arrived this trip and opened the front door, Sasa and Jet ran to me yelling, "Maaaaaaarrrrc!" They've won my heart even more. Maura's teaching in the dance department at Hunter College and I was able to jump right over to catch her faculty concert that opened the night of my arrival. When I see her perform (and Brian who was in the piece), I want to dance again. I want to dance with them. Perry's thriving with his hand-made Shakuhachi business and I'm thinking about getting a flute and learning. Within minutes of seeing all of them, I can see they're doing great as always.

Ever since making contact with Maura while she was on tour with Chen and Dancers in Cincinnati in 1993, she and I have cultivated a kind of brother-sister bond that feels truly blood-deep to me. I've learned so much from our relationship and all the people I've met from meeting her - her entire family, fellow dancers/performers and friends. It was with her that I learned how to embrace being hapa - Hawaiian word meaning half-Asian. Maura created a performance company called, "In Mixed Company" around 1993 and she has utilized this as a pathway to explore and converse about being hapa. What a gift to have been part of ALL of that. Leaving was hard to do back in 1996, but it was a leap of faith that led to other great things. I learned that we're always missing out on something, even amazing, unique, unbelievably irreplaceable somethings. But we're always also getting to experience something. Rather than compare and despair, I'm learning more and more that it all adds up to make the gift of being here all worth while. When I forget that and get all resentful and full of regret, it's a sign that I need to quiet my mind and listen to my heart. I need to look around and see what is more than I spend time on what isn't. right?

I looked up classes at the NY Integral Yoga when I got here and found that Swami Divyananda was teaching several workshops over my dates here. Swami D (not sure she knows I refer to her that way) was the main teacher during my yoga teacher training in Yogaville and she resided at the SF IYI for a handful of months after that month-long training. I feel a sweet bond with her and made my way over to the NY IYI to surprise her. We connected in her cozy living space where she was preparing to lead a meditation workshop and ironing her clothes. I got to hear of her recent trip to India and shared about my recent trips of my mind. Then with only a handful of minutes to spare, she made a few brief swipes with the iron to get the important areas pressed, dressed and walked slowly, meditatively down the steps to make it a minute before her class. I witnessed how these moments wove together effortlessly for her. Nothing needed to be rushed or regarded as more important than the other. At least that's how it felt and I walked away feeling honored and humbled at the same time.

The next day I took her workshop, "What is the Meaning of Life" which friend Alex joined me, who also took the teacher training with Swami D and happens to be a student at Hunter College where Maura teaches. This commonly pondered question of life's meaning is helpful to come back to time and again for me. We did writing exercises to look into our core beliefs and what we dream to experience. We looked at our obstacles: Perfectionism, Inertia, Procrastination, Self-sabotage and Fear then shared in pairs. This was an empowering day and sweetened by Swami D's presence. It grounded me in my meaning. Afterwards, I took a hatha class with friend and teacher Jennifer I met here last year. We grabbed a bite across the street at the Japanese restaurant and I learned of a new Japanese seaweed tea called, konbucha (not kombucha). It was more like a salty broth than a tea - I liked it but maybe just because it was a warm beverage! Then we headed over to the Brooklyn Art Museum for their monthly first-Saturday party and got to shake our yoga booties. The train ride over was filled with hipsters heading to the same place. It was an energizing night filled with all ages, colors and fashion statements. uh huh.

Sunday morning started with a stop at church - The Middleton congregation where my beautiful friend Jen was singing her heart out from the choir - one of her dreams-come-true. We danced together in the JGPG family back-in-the-day and bonded around the ups, downs and all arounds of this life together. Our long-distance friendship continues to be a sweet experience even as infrequently as it is that we physically connect. A quick jump back to Friday night: Jen and I caught Young Jean Lee's new play, "Lear" playing at SOHO Rep on her recommendation. It hit the spot as it brought out the Shakespearean story with a satisfying twist, pointing at dark family hatred and then dramatically switching gears around mid-play to ask if we the audience were where we wanted to be. Even saying we could leave if we wanted. A perfect lead-in for my Saturday workshop: "What is the meaning of Life!" I reflected on my upcoming visit to my parents and had my father and I not had the recent resolve, I would likely have been in pain and tears during an amazing scene speaking about a strained father-son relationship. Instead, I felt huge gratitude for the road we've walked as a family. Jen and I went out for dinner at Souen after, one of my favorite vegan restaurants.  We dove into conversations to catch each other up, which always is filled with huge laughter, tender tears and a reminder of how much we mean to each other.

Ok, back to Sunday morning:  During the morning service, the minister directed us to say hello to our neighbors and within a couple of sentences, I learned that the guy next to me was also from Cincinnati! We didn't directly know each other but I'm sure if we would have kept chatting, we would have found some friends in common. Small beautiful world. The sermon was entertaining and deep as the topic of race and racism was spoken about, in honor of Black History month. A black woman and a white man, both of whom are ministers of the church, had us laughing, had us in deep thought, and expressed the importance of finding greater compassion and truth in our speech. A gift to be there when all I had planned was to smile across the way at Jen when she sang (which we did). Good times with Jen.

Next I met up with Maura and the extended NYC family at a dim sum restaurant in Chinatown. We were 2 round tables of adults, little ones (including Peggy's little Nissa and adorable new little baby) and one of Maura's friends who's got one on the way, like any day it looked like! We had a delicious feast and I only made one comment about the meat when I said that the sound of the sizzling ribs was the sound of the ribs crying. I'm actually not an annoying, didactic vegan (am I?), but I do like to have fun with meat-eaters. I mean, shouldn't someone be speaking up on behalf of the animals who can no longer speak?! :)

The sun was out that afternoon so we went across the street to the park so the kids could play. It was warm in the sun yet the kids kept playing in the freezing shade. We all recognized how powerful the mind is that when so focused (on play in this instance), you can forget about something as tangible as being cold. I got to catch up with Peggy's husband Chris who's a writer and working on a book with a wealthy man who found yoga and is now all about yoga. This man was a heavy drug-user and found a new calling in yoga practice. The book's premise is that the riches found within oneself will lead to whatever riches one seeks outside him/herself. Key word I think is "seeks." What do you seek/want? What is the meaning of life? Law of attraction, etc. Chris seems curious to dive into yoga and it was cool to talk with him about that.

My friend Renee was able to meet for a bit so afterward I went to Columbus Circle and we hung out at the Dean and Duluca cafe in the Barnes and Noble Bookstore. They used to make cayenne ginger snaps at their SOHO shop when I lived here in 96 and I was hooked on them. They've stopped making them but my mouth still waters when I see the store. Renee and I got into deep discussion about spirituality and buddhism and talked about who we are if we're not dancing. I've been walking this conversation for over 5 years now, and I hear Renee who's landed her broadway dreams, starting to ask these questions more seriously. She's been dancing since she was 8 and looking at her 41-years and a beautiful yet moderately injured body to speak for it.  She's a natural teacher and choreographer and I can totally see her inspiring young dancers. I was in her first modern piece she choreographed back in our SCPA days and even then she was fierce! It's a transition that we all knew would be inevitable but not easy to digest when the time nears. I shared with her about the Meaning Life workshop I had just taken and we spent several hours being open and heart to heart. When I looked over at her, I got to see a little girl who turned into an amazing woman. Life is most definitely a gift and we just need to remind each other often how great each other is. We do enough to ourselves to remind us how much we haven't done or why we're not enough…at least I can get into that.

I'm heading back to the NY IYI to meet college friend Carrie for class. We had been out of touch until meeting back unexpectedly at the yoga teacher training in Yogaville. I'll be leaving NYC tomorrow afternoon, heading to Cincinnati. Another cold visit to a warm place in my heart. Peace out.

Addendum:
So days have passed but I wanted to include a few items I left out. One was a visit to the MOMA to catch the Tim Burton exhibit with Maura, Sasa, Jet, sister Eirene and her husband Brad on Saturday morning. It was a fun time especially getting to see it through the eyes of Sasa and Jet. They're so much fun! It was cool to see Burton's world exploded on walls, sculptures and video. He liked the play between the dark, shadowy parts of the psyche and the playful, non-sensical humor - it seems to be his way of diving into the creative realm of spirit. It gave me the perspective of how we can channel spirit in whatever way we choose to express ourselves in the world. How am I expressing mine these days?

After the hatha class with Carrie on Monday, we had an amazing dinner at my NEW favorite vegan restaurant, Angelica Kitchen. I'd heard about it but hadn't been yet. It was a warm and cozy place and our food was yummy. Carrie and I talked about our latest news, and about garbage, literally about garbage as she's been thinking of how she can do some community awareness work around properly collecting garbage in order to improve awareness with recycling, composting and what goes in landfills. Imagine being able to get excited about things like garbage. I shared that I was approached by the Engage Network around a project related to this, and we had fun imagining what could be done. You may think we're all just full of rubbish...and you're partly right! What are you full of? Where does your rubbish go? "Where is away?" as my friend Julia wants to challenge us with.

Later that night, I met up with Mathieu who I know from the Rolling Stones travel package coordination work I do with Fan Asylum. He's been a guest and is a musician himself and we've kept in touch here and there through the last few years. We met up in the hotel lobby bar of the ACE hotel, where I got to stay on my last night to scope out the property for possible booking for future packages in NYC. Great hotel btw! Mathieu and I chatted up our latest and it was touching to hear of his journey around relationships, his compassionate view of life and interest to live simply, maybe settle one day in his get-away world of Brasil. We've never had this extensive of conversation and it was really cool to share this time with him. It reminds me how we never know what purpose our connections may have, how much more alike we are than different as people, and how good it is to be a traveler of the world. Mathieu lives between NYC, Paris and Brasil and in my eyes, lives a blessed life. Yes, filled with angst at times, but hey - he's a musician! He needs it! love you Mathieu. :)