Up in the air, leaving Amy and Berlin after a 6-day visit to meet with Frieder Weiss, our collaborator for the upcoming May project for the SF International Arts Festival.  Amy and I held our second annual fundraiser for Amy Seiwert / im'ij-re on Monday, March 22nd, then hopped on planes Wednesday, March 24th.  Yes, planes.  3 of them.  Each.  Well, that's how it worked out using my flight miles.  We didn't fly together, but we managed to depart and arrive at nearly the same times which worked out perfectly so that we met at the airport in Berlin.  She's staying for almost 2 more weeks to enjoy and explore.  I, on the other hand have to get back for work, which will have me traveling less than 24-hours after I land, then heading back over to Europe a few days after that; an exercise in being grounded while living part-time in the air.  I'm grateful to have the willingness to keep my yoga and meditation practices going during these traveling days.  I've even gotten back into sitting before bed, which I hadn't kept up on a regular basis.  So here I begin again today with the first of 3 flights on my way home.  I wouldn't say it's second-nature to travel so much, but I've learned how to live out of suitcases since age 11 when I first began performing and traveling.  My first out-of-the-country trip didn't happen until my visit to Japan in 1995 on a sister-city exchange with Cincinnati and Gifu.  Ever since then, my desire to explore and immerse in other cultures has been strong.  I feel fortunate that because of dance and my current work, I've landed in some cool places.

I've been interested in visiting Berlin for many years after learning about the big art scene there, particularly in reference to modern dance and performance.  Finally, I made it.  Amy and I did get around a bit, but mostly we worked on the project - talking out ideas, emailing the production crew, emailing for other work, meeting with Frieder at the cafe by his place and by the apartment where Amy and I stayed, dancing in front of his projections and video manipulations in several studios - overall a cool opportunity and unique way to see Berlin!  We took in some of Berlin's other highlights and even saw a powerful play.  One visit that I didn't even know would get to happen was to see the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe.  That's what they call it, clearly stated as to what it memorializes.  Would we title a memorial like that in the states? ponder..…  It was an impressive full-city block of something like 2700 cement rectangular blocks, each the width and length similar to a coffin, but variable heights up to 10 feet or so, on an uneven ground arranged on a grid.  It was a wild playground for children and youngsters and possibly a scary predicament for their parents. It conjured up feelings of being concealed and safe to a sense of surprise to whom you'll meet or lose.  The density of the blocks and the starkness of the grey cement created barriers, yet also guided the way.  Unlike a labyrinth, there was a certainty to which way the path could go, it was only unclear where you might end up.

Next to note was the play we saw called, "Third Generation" written by Israeli playwright, Yaeli Ronen.  It was a raw, cleverly structured play focusing on third generation Israelis, Palestinians and Germans, offering their insights into the open wounds still present within each side, passed down from generations.  They all wore t-shirts that had "3G" written on them to help signal the commentary and humor about to unfold.  It was one of those experiences where at times I was laughing hard while on the verge of bursting into tears crying, wondering which one would take over.  I felt connected to the struggle of all sides, to the frustration inside of each group wishing for the other to have compassion for their side - to the resentments and anger layered over years of pain, mixed with each groups need to fiercely declare their independence and identity in order to build safety, harmony and sense of place within their own community - the common side-effect being that it creates separateness from other communities, pride of self and fear of losing this sense of power and sense of place.  I will only be able to comprehend this to a certain extent, having not had real first-hand experience.  But maybe that's the key - I have the ability to see this from a more objective perspective without being tangled in the specific emotional web.  Maybe it's from this point, from the third generation removed, that a shift happens rather than making old minds change.  I believe it's both, and initiated from the heart of compassion, from which it comes from whomever has found it for the other, young or old.  We all wish to be free.  But do we wish to be free at someone else's expense?

It's Passover.  My first night was in Berlin, after the few days of the events above.  I didn't get to have a seder as I initially hoped, but I feel that I had an experience that pointed to the spirit of Passover in a surprisingly deep way. Amy waved her hand over my head as we walked down the cobblestone streets, passing the main synagogue and shops, most of which are guarded 24 hours a day in her efforts to help me feel connected to Passover.  She declared, "I passed over!" It worked.  I felt it.  Being in Berlin on the first nights of Passover was the most aware and protective I've felt of my Jewish history and identity since my travels to Cairo and Amman in 1999 and 2000.  While being Jewish may not be the first thing you see when you see me, it's one of the first things I relate to in terms of community, culture and identity.  While I'm not an avidly religious Jew, I feel a dedication or at least a sentimental connection to "my people."  My mother is Jewish and my brother Steve and I were raised Jewish by our also Jewish step-dad.  For many years, being Jewish was the given.  Being anything else was a thing to learn about.  It's kind of like the memorial of cement blocks, where what is perceived on the outside is only a fraction of what is felt once you journey inside.  Speaking of inside and outside, back to Passover - it's a holiday about looking inward (and a bit backward) to experience peace today and going forward.  I strive to become aware of what binds me, then work from that in order to comprehend freedom and peace within.  From accepting that there is suffering, to finding the root of suffering, to moving away from suffering and to find quiet, great shifts in consciousness happens.

I'm also honoring the holiday by not eating leavened bread (one of the symbolic gestures of Passover) and other wheat-based products.  This is particularly helpful for me now since my bread and wheat-sugar-stuff eating has been getting gluttonous.  I notice my body doesn't do so well with so much wheat and certainly not well with daily consumption of sugary snacks, so I'm thankful for the bell that rings in my consciousness, signaled by the reminder note of Passover.  I see it as a time to focus inward on what it necessary for a clear passage into freedom and happiness.  I've been reaching outward to certain foods for comfort and sadly, these foods deplete my body of nutrient, store fat and suppress my feelings.  When I eat well, I feel better - I can comfort AND give goodness.  This is the interesting stuff of how the body and mind work together, how I can convince and justify for or against my body with food.  A little refined sugar/wheat here and there is fine, but having compulsive energy, sometimes a little bit turns into all the time for me.  At the very least, lets see what happens by abstaining for this week of Passover. 

This is what I work towards - to be able to access the full spectrum of emotions and to honor them rather than wish they were different.  To honor the fact that experience can conjure up such feelings, that we have the capacity to feel so strongly about something or someone, and then have a need to do something about it whether consciously or unconsciously aware.  It is my practice to discipline myself toward right action rather than harm to myself and/or others - ahimsa.  It's the gift of bhakti yoga, where the practice of devotion immerses us in the flow of all feelings.  It's the practice of asanas, where the moving body is the teacher for the racing mind, cleansing and purifying the whole body/mind connection so there can be a space of healing, a space of meditation.  It's the practice of yoga.  It's finding freedom, moving away from that which enslaves. It's Passover, wherever you are. Celebrate freedom!